Three Difficult Things About Comparing Yourself To Other Moms

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There are many ways we as moms compare ourselves to other moms. Are our kids developing at the same rate as their kids? And are we spending as much time with our kids as they are? Are we giving our kids as much of X, Y, Z as they are? Am I doing enough to show everyone else that I’m a great mom? (This is what I’ve struggled with this month.) How do you stop comparing yourself to other moms? It seems like that feeling is hard to shake.

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Earlier this month was Teacher Appreciation Week. I really wanted to do something to show the teachers and staff at my twins’ daycare that we appreciated them. But I noticed that in addition to wanting the teachers to know we appreciated them, I also felt this need to go above and beyond. Not only for myself, but to somehow show that I was an awesome mom.

So I decided that not only was I going to spend hours creating homemade buttery decorated sugar cookies to thank the daycare teachers, I was also going to create cute little cards and attach Burt’s Bees lip balm on them. I got it in my head that I had to do more than the delicious cookies. For some reason, that wasn’t enough. I was caught in the mom comparison trap. I kept thinking I had to be the “best” mom. Obviously I had to do the most for the daycare teachers and staff to prove that I was the best, most awesome mom ever.

I know that part of that is my Type A personality and desire for perfection. But the more I thought about it, the more I thought other moms might be struggling with this too. I’m sure there are other moms out there wondering how you can stop comparing yourself to other moms and feeling guilty about what you feel like you “should” be doing. So here are three difficult things about comparing yourself to other moms. I hope this can help you fight that feeling.

1. As women, we go through life carrying this emotional sense of guilt over what we think we are expected to do or supposed to do. We say sorry when we’ve done nothing wrong and we feel guilty for not doing enough in all aspects of our lives. As mothers, you’re continually comparing yourself to other moms. You feel guilt over whether you’re doing everything you can for your kids. The hard thing about this is that you’re dealing with shaping a child’s life and future, so there’s a lot of pressure in raising your children. The guilt is real.
2. Comparison, specifically mom comparison, is truly the thief of joy. I’ve heard this phrase about comparison being the thief of joy a lot, especially in the social media world. As a mom, it can be hard to not constantly be comparing yourself to other moms. Social media shows us images of moms who look gorgeous and give things to their kids that we can’t.
3. Your actions have an effect on your children. Going back to my experience with teacher appreciation gifts, I felt like those gifts would reflect on not only me as a mom, but on my child. I don’t want my kids to be known as the kids with the lazy mom who doesn’t send thoughtful gifts to appreciate the teachers. Being a mom adds an extra layer to the guilt we already have as women. We’re carrying that sense of guilt over to our kids and worrying about how others are perceiving them, based on how we act.

So what’s the fix? How can you stop comparing yourself to other moms? As the saying goes, the first step is admitting you have a problem. Admit to yourself that you don’t need to compare yourself to the imaginary idea of a perfect mom, or the seemingly perfect mom you follow on Instagram.

We’re all doing the best we can for ourselves and for our families. And that’s what’s truly important to remember. Stop comparing yourself to other moms, and honestly, stop comparing yourself to the idea of a “perfect mom” in general. She doesn’t exist. The only person you should compare yourself to is the you that you were yesterday. Are you being more present with your kids? Are you engaging with their teachers and helpers?

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I’m not going to stop decorating homemade cookies and creating crafts for my kids’ teachers. But, I am going to make a conscious effort to make sure I’m doing those things because I want to, not because I feel like I “have” to or because I’m comparing myself to what another mom is doing.

How are you trying to stop comparing yourself to other moms?

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